3 Boys and a Mom - Diary of a Tagteam

Ok like all the rest of the stress isn't enough in my life - I have strep, ear infection and sinus infection.... UGH UGH UGH just how I wanted to send off the year.... Well it's off to bed as much as I can w/the boys home... I hope everyone has a wonderful New Year if I don't talk to you before then.... Til next time...

It's been a long week++ since E came back from his little "sabbatical" and things were no different of course - he was drinking just as much as ever - he wasn't taking his meds - he was getting paranoid, being overly demanding, attempting to be controlling and verbally nasty to me... he was really acting crazy - not remembering things, asking stupid questions 30 times in the space of minutes and just generally driving me crazy.... it just continued on and on - of course each morning when he first woke for about 30 min he was fine - nice, apologetic, rational, etc... but then it all started again.... I had made a decision that he was out of here today - I couldn't handle it anymore and he was just making us all miserable.... The boys' holiday wasn't the best and I hated that.... they were happy but it could have been ALOT better.... He manages to affect them so that they start to cycle thru manic episodes a couple times a day and they are just sooo all over the place as they don't understand it all or they do and don't know how to react... ANYWAY my brother called yesterday and was talking to E - he could hear how nutty and irrational E was beign and he was worried about me and the boys... SOOO he called the MPs and gave them a little summary of things and told them he was worried about me and just wanted to give them a "heads up" in case I needed to call them.... Well about an hr later they showed up.... Listened a bit to Mr. Nutcase, asked a few questions then called EMS to come check him out and transport him to the hospital.... E went willingly - actually wanted to go, he was scaring himself I think w/all his erradick, irrational behavior -- E will NOT be returning to THIS house... I just can't handle it anymore and he knows it!!! The boys and I deserve soooo much better then the crap he was handing us... not to mention he's got no job, he's drinking more then ever and getting nastier each day.... I am not gonna be supporting a lazy drunk for the rest of my life.... The boys and I deserve a life - a life where we can go out and have friends and do fun things instead of being terrorized and held captive by the wild mood swings of a drunk bipolar maniac... Today the boys and I start pulling ourselves together and starting our new life.... I need to contact mom and talk to her about coming up the weekend after New Years for a week while I work nights - guess she will be coming up every other week to help out for a while... And I have to say in the midst of it all this past week I managed to keep the house looking pretty damn good!!! Just have to run to grocery store for a few things today and work on folding/putting away laundry.... well it's off to play with the boys -- they wanna do some crafts and then I want to rest a bit as I have a killer headache from the stress and sinuses... Til next time....

HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!!!

Well we survived... the boys got some games we can all play and a few toys each.... plus sneakers and pjs - of course Dilen isn't happy w/his Spiderman sneakers he DEMANDED for weeks - now he wants Yu Gi Oh sneakers... *sigh* I can't win.... and of course he wants to return the sneakers not just for another character but he also wants to swap them for a Star Wars plane cause that's what Deven got.... I just really can't win some times... E has been in RARE form the past 2.5 days and I am surprised the boys and I managed to have as good of a time as we did... we decorated the tree on Weds and I have to say that the boys did a wonderful job!!! and we made some cookies too - we had alot of fun - I still have some dough for sugar cookies left and I think the boys and I will make them today or tomorrow now that that the rush to have them done for the holiday is over! *L* Hey we even managed to keep the house clean!! I am very happy - just some dishes to do in the sink and other then that things look wonderful!!! Work hasn't been too bad either... fairly quiet which has been nice.... and only 2 more nights to go... Well I need to go rest my eyes because soon I will be back at the house dealing with E and his crap.... God I can't wait for this shift to end - I have to say that E is most likely not going to survive the month of Jan in my house.... I can't handle the abuse and stress much longer and I REFUSE to have my boys subjected to it for too much longer.... God give me strength to not kill him and just merely evict him... Til next time...

Two days and counting!!! The boys have been nothing but ROTTEN this weekend - you know my mom used to tell me that Dec was my WORST month - I guess this is pay back... They want a toy or something EVERY TIME we enter a store, the little one is actually throwing fits cause he HAS to go to KMart to get a new toy - "I don't want presents from Santa - I want XX NOW!!!" "I don't care if I get any presents for Christmas cause you won't take me to KMart" and the list goes on and on... ARGGGGGGG Then on the other hand they were really good this weekend and helped me keep the kitchen/living room clean and painted/colored pictures most of the weekend... I only have a few tiny things to get to finish the boys up - not that they are getting much this year but then again they didn't really ask for alot this year...

I am JUST starting my cookies now - I spent most of yesterday snoozing and resting as I was wiped out thanks to AF arriving plus I started a 7 night shift last night... SOOOO I am making my cookies today -- plus I have to finish the candy cane reindeer for Dilen's class.... This should be an interesting day cause Dilen REFUSES to go to school... *sigh* Well atleast E is here to distract him so I can get some work done.. I HOPE!!!

And speaking of E - well darned if I wasn't right AGAIN!!! His little "sabbatical" was all for show - GO FIGURE! *L* Of course now he has no job and he's being a real PITA about stuff AND he's been making messes in my kitchen!! GRRRRRRRRRR Well hopefully today will be a better day - he's done nothing but basically sleep and drink since he got back Thurs afternoon... I of course have been busy busy cleaning and keeping myself distracted...

Well it's off to start my cookies.... HAPPY HOLIDAYS everyone!! Til next time...

Well the kitchen actually survived the night.... WOOO HOOOO

Now I can start some baking and projects and such in a clutter free place... I am excited and trying not to feel rushed since I only have a few days left to finish school gifts and such....

And I promised Eliz I was only going to concentrate on ONE ROOM for the next month.... BUT I just can't sit in my lovely kitchen and look into the Living Room which is pretty much part of the same space and NOT clean! *L* SOOOOO I am gonna work on the Living Room this morning and then bake/craft later this afternoon....

SOOOO here's my Living Room list -- (I this probably bores you all but it's keeping me moving!)

Chair area
Shoe area
Toy area
Couch area
Book Case
Entertainment Center
Dust
Vaccum
Loveseat

And now I am off to start - have my coffee and a quiet house!!!! Til next time...

**UPDATE ** Finished by 1:20pm and man I feel GOOD!!! NOW I can really start to enjoy the holidays!!! Next week I will work on the boys rooms Mon/Tues... and start wrapping.... Now it's off to make cookies and do some crafts/gifts for the boys classes/teachers....

Ok.... here's my KITCHEN list.....

Dishes
Clean off Table
Clean off Stove
Bag up Garbage
Sweep
Clean off Counter
Wipe down frig, stove, cabinets
Clean up Dog area
Straighten up Puter area
Clear floor clutter
Mop

Should be done tomorrow evening with it all and man I feel good!!! Now we can get the tree and set it up in the window! Til next time...

**UPDATE** 7:05 pm and only a few little things to do... Might skip the puter area for now but gonna finish the rest of the list....

Ok finished up by 9:30 and even took out the trash - I am soo happy I did this.. I even tossed stuff instead of hoarding and pack-ratting it.... I feel MUCH MUCH better now.... And I can even get the tree tomorrow and set it up!!!! WOOO HOOOOO

ARRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG

I was feeling VERY VERY stressed earlier this evening... The boys were being as they usually are - rowdy and loud and excited - jumping, yelling, fighting, oh and writing on each other w/PERMANENT marker!!!!! - but man it had me over the edge... Of course overspending my limit at the Dollar Store today didn't help and the fact that I am really experiencing solo parenting for the 1st time this week as E decided to have a nervous breakdown/epiphany last week, quit his job and check into the hospital.... and the car payment is overdue and the house is a total disaster --- I was VERY VERY VERY overwhelmed to say the least.... But then I was talking to my dear friend Eliz and she helped me to calm down and look objectively at things... THANK YOU ELIZ!!! I can only do so much, I can only EXPECT to do so much... We discussed the house - I am gonna just focus on ONE ROOM!! ONE and maybe when I finish that we will see about moving to one more.... just take baby steps.... SOOO as I felt the stress build and build and build I put the boys to bed, put myself in time out w/my little clipboard w/my TO DO list on it and took the one room I am gonna focus on - the kitchen and listed all I need/want to do... when I felt better and the boys were asleep a half hr later I came back out... Put on Law & Order and started down my list.... I have already polished off the majority of the dishes - one of the biggest tasks on my list and I am working my way down - L&O is on til 12 so I am just gonna keep going while I watch/listen.... This is a whole new experience for me - I thought I was ready for single parenting - figured I was already doing most of it anyway but man it can all be overwhelming... Well tomorrow is another day and I am just gonna go one day a time - keep reciting the serenity prayer and turn things over to my higher power.... I will adjust and get thru this... Til next time...

As I manage to catch up on my daily readings today, Brian had some really interesting posts about the politics of the world..... his first

Nice Beard Though was very well written.... And while I hear what he is saying and probably agree w/most of it, afterall I am still confused how we went from hunting for Osama in Afghanistan to invading Iraq myself - but being EVER the optimist I am - Perhaps it was our way of making atonement for all we allowed in the past??

I remember reading and hell it made sense to me was "Think of Saddam as 9/10 - knowing what we know now should we/would we/could we let another 9/11 happen?" Of course that was going w/the Saddam has WMD and we need to rid the earth of them story line... Now I don't full agree w/why we went to Iraq and hell I really don't even understand all of it but since our boys are over there I am gonna support them... But don't y'all think that if Dubbya had said -- "Well folks things are running a little slow in the hunt for Osama right now, so while we are in the neighborhood how about we finish what Daddy started back in the 90s and try to make amends for supporting a lot of the horrors this monster Saddam committed while we turned a blind eye...." would have made more sense, made things a bit more acceptable today?? Of course working for the Army this little adventure of Bush's funds my paycheck so I am not complaining saying thinking too much just gonna keep marching on like the good little govt employee I am...

Another good entry was Restoring Liberty Gee I hadn't a clue about this.... What Brian says makes ALOT of sense... It's a damn shame to hear this type of news...

Just random thoughts.... Til next time...

As I flit thru a variety of blogs and message boards and read comments concerning Saddam's capture - one thing that amazes me is the resounding collective thought that this will mean our troops will come home now -- As much as I would love to see this happen it's just not going to be... We still have troops in Afghanistan and we knocked Osama's Al Quida (sp?) leadership out of commission long ago... Sorry folks we are still in this for the long haul - heck we still have a very noticable presence of troops in Korea and the truce for that war was 50 yrs ago... It will be a long time before we see our troops home from the "sand box" regardless of whom is in the white house... My heart goes out to the families that are separated during our holiday season or any time of the year at all and my thanks goes out to those over in there serving.... May god bless you all and oversee you safely in your journeys... But please don't be naive enough to think this will mean anyone is coming home any sooner... {{HUGS}}

Well that being said and off my chest - Day 8 of Freedom and I have never been more tired.... I guess all the stress of life is finally catching up with me... I am sleeping all night and heck for the past 2 days -- all day and still I am tired... The house is going to hell in a hand basket and I am making so little progress over it... Since I managed to drag myself to work for a few hours today maybe I can finally get a start on the kitchen when I get home... maybe.... I DID manage to get Dilen's room semi straightened enough that he can use his bed to sleep -- OR I can dump the laundry on it to fold and sort or both if I actually move my butt.... I did manage to get some of the laundry sorted and folded but there is so much more to do and WHY praytell do I still have SWIMMING SHORTS mixed in with the boys clothes?? *sigh* It never ends - it just never ends... Well I better go and look busy for a bit... Til next time...

SADDAM HUSSEIN CAPTURED!!! FORMER IRAQI PRESIDENT TAKEN ALIVE - NO STRUGGLE!!!

Today's headline news -- sooo What do you think about all of this??? What do you think it means for Bush's re-election hopes?? Do you think the violence in Iraq against US Coalition Forces will begin to decline?? Will our economy begin an upturn now?? What should we do with him?? As you listened to the announcements of the press conference held at 7am EST what are your thoughts of the messages to the Muslim people?? Do you think we understand the Muslim people and are heading them in a direction that they wish to be led in??? Curious to hear everyone's thoughts/opinions on this subject... Til next time...

** UPDATED -- (my answers) **

I am not sure if this will really help Bush's re-election hopes or not - perhaps if they start to actually find the WMD that are supposed to still exist there in Iraq (personally I think Saddam destroyed or hid what he had so well we may never find more then just a few remenants. Plus it's really too early to think about the elections... As for the violence in Iraq - that is not going to decline not in the immediate future any way - we are in the intruders there and as much as the people of Iraq hated Saddam they hate us almost as much... Which leads into whether we are leading Iraq, a muslim country, into a direction they want to be led and do we understand them - NOO we don't - we are trying to force on them a "democratic and liberal" thought process that is not what they are about... Their religion is a strong influence on the politics of their country and we should be considering that when we help them to get back on their feet instead of trying to give them a government and policies much like our own... Of course that is not to say we can't find a happy medium but it has to be what THEY want and not what WE want or perceive that they want.... As for the economy - we might see a small boost but over all I think this country and it's financial situation is in the crapper and it's gonna be there a while longer - I don't know what will help it to recover but it DOES need help... Our people need help - as a struggling, now single mom I have found that for a country that seems to care so much and want to help those in need the working poor are totally forgotten... Sure there are TONS of programs out there set to help people but the majority of those needing assistance are rejected because they "make just a titch too much"... So maybe instead of offering all this aid to other countries (which by the way we are never repaid for) maybe we should start looking alot harder at how we take care of our own.... Ok I am gonna get off my soapbox now, I am starting to ramble anyway.... But there are my thoughts on things...

SOOO Freedom - Day 3 --

Haven't done a darn thing w/the house - dishes piling up higher - I MUST get to them today before I make dinner... Add to the kicker I am sick - sore throat, drained, stuffed up nose, coughing - OH JOY!! JUST what I needed this week.... well maybe I can start with some baby steps and atleast get the dishes done tonight... Til next time...

Awww my baby is growing up - he's a TWEENIE technically - for those that watch NOGGIN... For those that don't a Tweenie is someone between a baby and a big kid (2-6).... Today we are drawing pictures and writing our name - Dilen can write his name very well and I am surprised and proud of him.... Seems for someone that hates preschool and tells me "I am not gonna have fun today" so defiantly he IS learning stuff... I am just sooo proud.... now when we do our cards this week he can sign his own name!!!! Well it's off to get my Tweenie off to bed....

OHHH yeah!! Just an FYI I made NOOO progress on the house - then again I had Dilen and the X home w/me today but we did manage to get a nap in and man that felt great!!! Guess I try again tomorrow - need to actually write out my list so I have something to motivate and keep me going.... Til next time...

Ahhhhh I feel so refreshed!!! Yesterday I took a 4 hr nap and last night I was asleep before 10 pm and slept thru til 6:15 this morning... I don't think I have slept that much in a long time... I really feel refreshed today... and the air between E and I is much calmer today - it's finally sinking in for him that he can't bully and order me around - I am "off his hit list" as he said this morning... Now with all my new found energy I need to tackle the house.... Today I want to accomplish --

Dishes
Laundry
Kitchen Counter
Kitchen Table
Toy Corner
Deven's Room
Boys' Bathroom
Dilen's Room
Hallway

But first we need to have brunch and a NAP! *L* Sooo I'll check back later with any updates on progress - now to convince a 4 yo that watching Ellen and Starting Over are a good thing! Til next time...

As we all know this is the season for TRAVEL - we drive to one relatives or another as some point during the long holiday season that starts in Nov and ends in early Jan... With my Dad home Sept - Nov I have done alot of traveling to visit his mom, his sister, my mom and revisit his old stomping grounds.... Recently we were travelling down the turnpike on yet another trip to MD and it amazed me at the number of deer that were lying next to the side of the road.... Such senseless accidents but most likely unavoidable - after all most people don't actually AIM for the deer as they drive down the road... Even today as I drove to court after we had a huge snow storm this weekend there was a deer by the side of the road on top of all the plowed snow so it was a recent hit and it got me thinking - how long has the deer been there?? Who claims them?? Does the driver get the opportunity to keep the deer?? Is there a call list that is used offering those that want it the deer?? Do they still give them to the schools and prisons to supplement the menu??? Odd thoughts I know but hey what can I say.... I will say though that seeing all the deer that were hit makes me all the more cautious while I am driving - I have heard the stories of the damage that can occur when you hit one and I don't want to experience first hand but still I can't help but wonder - if I hit one would I be able to take the deer home and stock my freezer??? Til next time...

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN -

Introducing for the first time in public...... *drum roll*




MS. Angel G!!!!!!

YA HOOOOOOOOOOOOOO that's it, it's done, I am divorced!!! And it was so fast the coffee from 7/11 I left in the car barely got cold!!!!

Entered the courtroom at 8:55 and by 9:20 I was divorced... The judge asked me to verify the complaint, verify I have lived in NJ for alteast a year prior to the filing, verify there were no other proceedings regarding the marriage before the courts, explain my grounds, asked how I served DH, asked what the plans were since he is still living here, asked about the separation agreement (where we got it, how we negotiated, if we both freely and willingly agreed to it) had me verify our signatures on the separation agreement and that was that.... He did change the grounds to extreme cruelty instead of Habitual Drunkenness but did use the actions of habitual drunkenness in his verbalization of the final decree and that was that.... I waited another 10 min for my signed copies and was home in under 2 hours... Amazing how the stress and strain of almost 16 ys can be irradicated with the swipe of a pen... WOW!!! It's gonna take a few hours to fully sink in but I wanted to tell you before the day became a blur... {HUGS} Thank you for your kindness and support both in the past and future to come... I love you all!!! Well it's off to tackle laundry... Til next time...

SOOO It's down to a wake up!!! A single wake up!! Am I ready for this??? YES!! I am sooo ready!!! Am I nervous?? Scared?? HELL YES!!!! Am I gonna be able to do this?? Yes I am - it's gonna be tough but I know the boys and I will all the better by 300% for it... there will be changes, the boys will learn new, proper rules and behavior eventually but we will be improving for the better... But it will be hard to readjust our schedules and re-learn alot of how the house runs.... Of course most that won't start until E moves out which will HOPEFULLY be the end of the month... After tomorrow - where there are no formal ties anymore until he leaves will be an entirely new experience - uncharted territory.... and that alone scares the crap out of me.... But I will survive... and tomorrow is the first day of the rest of my life... Til next time...

SOOO it's been a LONG weekend - a foot of snow, a nasty tempered idiot in the house, 2 slightly sick little boys and one VERY tired momma... I just finished 14 straight days... Or nights rather, midnight til 8am... I am TIRED.... now I get 2 days off... then it's back on for 5 more... then a week of normal hours and a few days off... but mostly it's SEVEN wonderful nights of SLEEP!!!!! E was in rare form today - opening MY mail and telling me he had EVERY right to do so because it concerned the car insurance.... WTF?? Just because he drives the car and will get it in the divorce doesn't mean he can open the insurance letters addressed to ME!!!! And now he's coming to court tomorrow because he doesn't trust me to not railroad him - WHATEVER!! He's more then welcome to come but his reasons really rankle me.... Breathe, breathe in, breathe out.... Just one more day!!!! Well it's off to settle down the tagteam and tuck them into bed... and I hear the plow out there - better see if I can move the car so they can plow better... Til next time...

FIVE!!! FIVE FIVE FIVE, Count 'em, 5 days and a wake up!!!! This can't come soon enough!!!

But enough of that... I have soo much more to say but my thoughts have been soooooo scattered lately - perhaps it's the lack of sleep and the stress.... HOPEFULLY my brain will start functioning shortly.... one can dream!!!